Friday, October 26, 2007

Feeling like green glob

I am feeling like a cup of green glob—just like mush really. I am so tired. It is report card marking time and I feel stretched in a hundred different directions. Nevertheless, studying for the NCLEX has to be my number one priority.

Last night I came home beat as all get up, but I managed to do 75 questions on Mosby’s CD-ROM. I scored a 61%. What is faith? Faith is belief in things unseen. I have no proof that I am going to pass this exam with scores like this. I cannot even tell you how I am going to do it, but I am.

I log onto www.allnurses.com and open up the Student forum that focuses on NCLEX. There are many threads from members who are panicked and alarmed. Titled threads solicit advice from 2nd and 3rd time test takers. All I can say is that will not be me. I am passing. Come hell or high water, I am passing.

I have yet to have a real conversation with someone in the process of studying who is not panicked and feeling incredibly insecure.

Today I did not answer any questions. I worked very hard at work today. I skimmed through some lab values during the bus ride on the way to work. After school I stayed after very late chipping away at report card comments, parent teacher conference scheduling, and cleaning out my email inboxes. When I was done with that, my brain was simply not in the mood to answer questions. I had planned to redo the 150 questions of the pretest, but I could not concentrate enough to get past question one. So, I opted to copy and paste some of the lessons from NCBSN so that I could print them out and read at home.

There is no reading that is going to get done tonight. I can barely keep my eyes open as it is. This weekend I have to play my cards right. In that it is a major work weekend because all grades are due Monday afternoon. It is also the last weekend before my subscription expires. I have to find a way to get grades in so that they don’t swamp all of my precious uninterrupted study time.

I could probably do a random quiz of 10 questions with Mosby’s if I weren’t too tired to walk into the living room and get the power cord to my laptop. Boy, I sound pitiful tonight. Huh? It's well after midnight and I am desperately trying to squeeze in today’s studying time. However, it just does not seem to be realistic for me. The intention is there though.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Mental preparedness

I study (mostly by answering questions and reviewing rationales), but as time draws near it appears as though the majority of the work I do is mental preparation. The only other tests I have taken that had so much riding on them were a pregnancy test and an HIV test. Not wanting to be pregnant and premarital HIV counseling and testing are extremely important tests whose positive results bring about a host of consequences, but this is different. No college midterm or final can touch this. Preparation for this test feels like being pushed to the limit, the edge and hoping to find your way back again once you’ve successfully passed.

Sunday afternoon I asked my husband to take me to the airport. It is right down the street from our house. The last time I was there was when I arrived here in Mali for the first time this past January. We rode up the long road filled with billboards for cell phone companies and banks wishing us a safe trip. I studied them all. This is the route I will be taking in a month’s time when I leave on a flight London bound. “This is where you will go in,” he pointed to a building marked departures. “Where is the terminal for Air France?” I asked. “This is the terminal for all the airline companies.” I wanted to go in and see the check-in ticket counter. He said that we couldn’t unless we had a valid departing ticket dated today.

With the rest of my time, I took in the position of the baggage porters, police officers, stationed taxi drivers, and anything else of importance to lessen any potential anxiety my departure date. I have flown many times over, but navigating third world airports is always an adventure. I am to travel alone. Even if we could afford the additional tickets for my husband and daughter to accompany me, it may not be such a good idea to have them along. I would need some quite time to still my soul before testing and the both of them would create more stimuli than I would like by chattering nonstop up until the very last moment I walk into Pearson Vue. So, I suppose that it is best this way.

As we left the airport, I took in scenary along the route back home with the feeling that I have already returned from my trip. Having already passed my test, I am happy, relieved, exhausted and eager to sleep in my own bed.

My husband tells me everyday that I am going to pass. In fact, he told me that before I would allow myself to believe it. He left for a business trip this morning but promised that upon his return he would see a local African spiritual advisor to work some magic in my favor. I often tease him about his belief in such things, but I do not mind the magic these days.

To be honest, and I have mentioned this before, I believe that the magic is already done. I truly feel as though I have already passed this test. My sense of knowing has nothing to do with my husband’s upcoming appointment, as it has to do with believing that this it is my destiny to pass this test in London. Passing unfolds a world of numerous opportunities that are just waiting for me to tie up my loose ends, like RN licensure.

I plan to work as a nurse practitioner with my own clinic here in Africa for women and children. The need is so great. I have already begun the application process for graduate nursing programs for next fall.

Too tired to study

I did not go to the cyber café to study this evening. This was not the smartest thing to do—skip out on a night’s studying considering that my NCBSN 8-week subscription is valid only until November 2nd (the same evening as parent-teacher conferences). I ordered it back in September, but only recently have I kicked it in high gear by studying regularly with this online program. I wasted some of my weeks because I do not have Internet at home so I have to either stay after work or make special trips to the local cyber café, which is extremely hot and filled with mosquitoes. Plus, I have had some challenges with the user-friendliness of the program.

Just getting through the pre-test was a drama in and of itself. The very first time I took it, I accidentally hit the “back” key and that totally erased my test and answers. There was no way that I could retrieve my answers. I had to start completely over. The pre-test is 150 questions, so I had to leave it for another day.

Second time around, I logged on and saw a message about maintenance scheduled. I was at a cyber café and thought that the message was related to the computer I was working on. On shared computers weird things always pop up. You learn to ignore them. The third time it popped up I realized that the program itself was going to shut off because of scheduled maintenance to start in less than an hour. I was on number 30 with 120 questions to go. What luck? Since I had already made the effort to leave the house, I decided to stay and answer questions until the program forced me off. I do not remember what number it stopped on but I did not get to finish the pre-test that day.

On my third attempt, I made it through all 150 questions but the feedback report would not generate. The window was just frozen. The program did tell me that I scored around 50-something%, but the opportunity to view the report that lists those questions I answered correctly and those I answered wrong with rationales was lost. I had to redo the test again. This would have to be another day.

I finally did get through the test on my fourth attempt, but not because I retook all of it. I tried as best I could to recheck the answers from the first, second, and third attempts so that I could generate the feedback report, but I was tired. In the end, I just wound up checking any answers to get through the 150 questions. This time my score improved to 64%. I obviously did better with random guessing. This time I got the report.

This was actually the last time that I tested and a percentage was calculated. Since that time I have just been constantly answering questions. There is no post-test that I can take as a measurement of progress. Although, over the weekend I am going to take the time to do Mosby’s Comprehensive Review CD-ROM which has two comprehensive tests, 1 and 2. They are 265 questions each. I will take test 1 on Saturday and test 2 on Sunday. That should give me some indication as to where I fall percentage wise.

As far as NCBSN, I went from the pre-test to answering the questions in the back of the lessons. I skipped the lessons. Don’t worry. Before my subscription is over, I will go through them all. I just wanted to get straight down to the business of answering questions. I have made it through all the questions with the exceptions of Pharmacology 1 and 2, as well as Alternative Type questions. I have a 75-minute prep period tomorrow in which I am going to attempt to answer both 40-question long Pharmacology sections (that’s a total of 80 questions). I will tell you this: my speed has increased. That does not mean that I get them correct 100% of the time, but I am reading questions and answering options faster than I was before. The other night at the cyber café I finished a 40-question section in 30 minutes.

Another reason why I have skipped the lessons is that I have a hard time reading on the computer. No, it’s not an eye thing. I would prefer to print something out and read it off of paper. On the paper I highlight, make side notes, circle and connect key concepts and phrases. I make the content my own. With this program printing out lesson sections is not easy, so plan to spend some serious time with your computer in order to get through it.

I will not allow myself to feel guilty about not going because I am exhausted. I am doing the very best I can. I came in immediately from work and hit the bed. Last week was particularly challenging for me at work. We had a broken arm and a lice outbreak in both elementary and middle schools. A fourth grade student fell out of tree and break her wrist. I immobilized her wrist (a NCLEX practice question that I remembered, good common sense too), packed it in ice, and whisked her off to the best possible clinic available. Once the cast was set, I phoned her parents to tell them about using a blow dryer on a cool setting to relieve itching and to watch for swollen and redden fingers (another NCLEX study question). She came back to the school sporting her new cast and arm sling thanking everyone that saved her life. She's such a joyous student. Now, climbing the trees are forbidden during recess.

Then the next day when an accreditation inspector was visiting, we had a lice outbreak. So, the for the rest of the week I found myself systematically going from class-to-class checking student's heads. We have a small school (about 130 students) so this much excitement in one week had the whole campus abuzz.

This week is promising to be just as challenging because it is the last week of the first quarter. Report card grades are due next Monday.

To top it off my computer recently crashed and I lost all my grades that I had registered in my electronic grade book. So, I have to start all over from scratch entering each assignment and corresponding grade manually one at a time.

I wonder if nursing is like teaching. We are so overworked and underpaid. I could literally live in my classroom around the clock and there would still be things to do. It is a job that is never finished. Most days I have to force myself to go home. When my spirits are low I fantasize about my work life as a full-time nurse.Call it the grass is always greener syndrome perhaps. It is more than that really. I sacrificed a lot to get a second-degree bachelor’s in nursing and I am looking forward to working in my field. My test next month is the final step on a very long journey.

I am the preschool, middle school language arts, high school Spanish teacher, and school nurse. I am also a wife, mother, and NCLEX candidate for next month.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Studying: getting the kinks out

My studying routine seems to be glancing at study materials throughout the work day when time permits. I currently work as an educator that offers nursing skills and knowledge every once in a while. So, you can imagine that this does not leave me with an excess of time during the day. I return home at 4pm and unwind. During this time I will intermittently review my written materials like Saunders and Mosby's. I find something to eat and head out to the internet cafe to study with the online NCSBN course. I am usually there from 8-11pm.

I come home exhausted, but my brain is still ticking racing through terms and concepts recently reviewed. Sometimes I feel as though I could continue to study throughout the night, but my ability to concentrate is compromised at this point and I sleep because I have to wake up at 6am the next day.

My anxiety levels about the test have chilled immensely. Just a few weeks ago I was a nervous wreck. I contacted former classmates who passed the exam ions ago for advice. One shared with me that she started studying one month in advance and did 100 questions and studied their rationales per day (I am up to 80 questions and per day). I was freaking out because I have been studying on and off since June and it appeared as though no matter how much I studied, I was still getting answers wrong--lots of them (50-60% correct). Often times, I would get the answer correct on my second guess. This would result because I would look at the correct answer (meaning it was my first choice) and then talk myself out of it and choose another one which was wrong. However, sometimes the "go with your first choice" technique does not yield the correct answer.

Aside from my low self-study scores, my anxiety was compounded by the fact that I simply cannot afford to NOT pass this test. There is so much riding on it. First of all, I am currently working in Africa (a story which I will expound upon at another time). I have to fly to London--an international test center--to take the test. They do not offer the test in any African country at this time. I could've flown back home to the States to take it, however three things quickly influenced that decision:

One, it is cheaper to fly to Europe from Africa than to the USA. I do not think that flying to New York is too badly priced, but I would be subsequently flying to the Midwest which increases the budget immensely. Secondly, I only have a limited about of time off of work. I am testing over the Thanksgiving Day weekend. Fortunately, that is not a special holiday in England so scheduling during that time was no problem. The distance between London and West Africa is shorter. I can get in and out quickly. Thirdly, I am not crossing time zones. They are on the same time zone. Meaning that my international jet lag will be greatly minimized and will greatly contribute to better testing conditions.

So, I am paying to take the test like everyone else, $200. I am also paying an extra $166 to take the test at an international testing site--that's $150 plus the Value Added Tax (VAT). My flight cost $1,200 round trip into London Heathrow. There are costs associated with my stay at a youth hostel, airport transfers, public transportation, and food. The British pound is 2:1 to the American dollar--I will pay double for everything once there. As you can see this is not a cheap test! It is not in my best interest to come away anything less than a RN.

However nowadays my anxiety levels have lowered considerably. Why? I just know that I am going to pass!

I have been doing a lot of positive visualization. During the time that I unwind from work each evening, I take some moments to lie down on my bed and imagine how my trip will unfold. I think about the airplane landing, going through immigration, walking through the terminal, looking for baggage claim, finding a bus into town, locating my hostel and checking in, and how I will spend that first day relaxing and calming my nerves (I fly arrive on Thursday morning and test on Friday). The morning of my arrival I will sleep once, having taken a red-eye in, once I'm settled. Then I plan to take the "tube", their subway system, to the testing center. I may even walk in and introduce myself. Then, I will eat dinner--my lone Thanksgiving Day dinner--and return to my hostel in preparation for tomorrow's test. I will do no studying throughout this whole time.

I envision myself entering the testing center the following day. My appointment is at 11:00am. I see myself at the computer reading questions, clicking away. I am not anxious. I may be challenged by the questions, but I am not stressed. The computer cuts off at 75! The screen turns white and blinks a bit before informing me that my test is over. I head out to a traditional British pub to celebrate.

I continue this positive visualization day after day. It has helped incredibly to calm my nerves. I have done it so many times that it really feels as though I have already passed the test. So much so, that the studying I am doing now feels like I am just going through the motions (fulfilling my end of a contract), but I have definitely already passed.

This is not to say that I do not get frustrated while studying. I do, especially when I get problems wrong. Sometimes I get them wrong simply because I did not read the question correctly. For example, the question may read that "the client is in need of further instruction if s/he states . . ." In my haste, I choose an answer that reflects a correct understanding of the condition or medication regimen while overlooking the fact that I should have chosen the false-negative response. So, it is little things like that that frustrate me. Fortunately, this is something that I can work on with myself if I just slow down and learn to READ the question before jumping quickly to answer it.

I also know that I have several weak subject areas like pharmacology and delegation. In my haste to tackle as many questions as possible--I am still trying to work myself up to 100 questions a day like my former classmate--I keep putting off reviewing these subject areas. I know that I have to take time to get these subjects in my head.

Additionally, I feel as though there is a significant difference in the types of questions I see in Saunders and Mosby's and those with the online NCSBN course. The NCSBN course questions are definitely harder. It's good though. However, sometimes it seems as those the rationales depending on the review material differ. I can get accustomed to reading and applying Saunders rationales throughout my practice--like avoiding answers that use the word "only" or going for the "global umbrella answer", but when I practice with NCSBN the reasoning behind the rationales differ slightly. Does that make sense to you? It is almost like getting used to the household rules of one family and then moving to another with a totally different setup. Of course, nursing is still nursing but it is the slight nuiances like that that can trip you up on some questions.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The Basics

My upcoming NCLEX examination is Friday, November 23, 2007 (the day after Thanksgiving). Today is October 16th which leaves me 38 days to prepare.

I decided to document this experience (or at least the last leg of it) because I found myself searching the web for study and testing testimonies. In case you do not know, NCLEX stands for National Council Licensure Examination. It is the exam that if successfully passed allows for state nursing licensure in the US. There are two NCLEX exams: one for registered nurses and one for licensed practical nurses. I am preparing for the former.

Wish me luck!